The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
