my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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