She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
