Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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