My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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