benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
how does that bad decision feel?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
