Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
