You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
