I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
