you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
