i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
