how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
