just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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