He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
