Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize