We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
