Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
