im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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