when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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