You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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