I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
