She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
