Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
