I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
