Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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