# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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