Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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