The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
