i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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