Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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