did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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