do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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