The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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