I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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