This girl is more easily done than said...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
