don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
