I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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