mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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