perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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