her vagine was all disorganized.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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