why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
