It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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