i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
