Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
