I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
