This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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