Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
