Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
