dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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