my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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