i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We had to coat check the pizza.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
