Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
