New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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