my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
