Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
