I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
