I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I want her autograph on my taint
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
