We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
