I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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