Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
