they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
