So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
