nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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